ALWAYS a little edge

Thursday night was the opening of the big gay show. i had an ex boyfriend, Georg, come to the show as my date. i really do enjoy him and respect his opinions a great deal . but his comments where the same as all of the other comments i get. My art work is pretty. sometimes decorative sometimes beautiful. but never ugly. Georg echoed my own fears by saying that i need to give them an edge. i have been afraid that they are dismissible because they are just blandly pretty. they models i choose especially those that i call little birds inspire me for a number of reasons but one of those is reasons is nearly always courage, strength, cunning, or flat out bravery these are all rather cliche in traits when depicting of men. I end up depicting a more emotionally vulnerable side to these men. a glance or a moment of reflection reveals an interior life that is highly developed and protected. Many time when i am taking pictures of them i tell them that they are beautiful and that is why i would like to paint them. i'm pretty much guaranteed to catch most men off guard with being considered beautiful. i dont say that to all of them i'm realizing as i write this because that phrase takes the model artist relationship to a more intimate level that i dont want to attain with all of the models i paint.
most of these individuals stand on the edge of manhood. Under the threat of draft in a country that has been at war for 7(?) years in a country that has in highest incarceration rate in the world. the increase in communication has also meant an increase in the awareness of brutal crimes, ghastly acts, catastrophic diseases,and disasters on a global, neighborhood and personal level. We also live in a culture that does not have any ritualized rite of passage. young men are not take from their mothers and boyhood and guided by the older brothers, fathers, respected elders and shown the values and qualities that are valuable in a man. Women have a change in medical status that necessitates that they stop regarding themselves as girls and step into the world of womanhood. With men there is nothing that universal. sometimes a facts of life talk, sometimes there is learning to shave, many times there is nothing. that is why i find these small glimpses into false bravado, shyness, lust, fear, and open trust so intoxicating.